When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
