For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
