Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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