Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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