Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
