Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
