just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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