i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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