Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
