Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
