I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
