Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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