I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
