My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
