But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
