i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize