So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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