Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I FOUND THE LEGS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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