guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
