gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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