Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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