what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
