Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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