this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
should my penis look like a turkey
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
