I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
