I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize