Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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