Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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