I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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