Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
