Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we're making bets on your personal life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
