my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
