omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
