3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize