Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
