Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
