okay pat passed out under dana's car
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
