Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
