the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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