i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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