I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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