Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
