Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
