I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
