My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would ride that face into the sunset
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