Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
