Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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