I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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