I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize