my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
