oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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