They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
