Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We are all done wearing pants today
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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