You can't motorboat a personality
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
