There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
