I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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