you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
