I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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