I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
