How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize