I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
