dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
