my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
