Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
