We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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