Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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