I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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