walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
