i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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