Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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