As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize