I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
