I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
