swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
