The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
