just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
