If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
