You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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