the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
