my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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