with your own penis?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
