She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
