Already got asked if we're dating
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
